Visit #22: Saturday, September 6, 2014: 9:24 AM

Wow!  Another breakfast Border run already?  Yep, dear reader, today makes it back-to-back breakfast visits in only a week's time.  (That's pretty remarkable considering that it had been nearly 3 full months since I had sampled any of Taco Bell's morning fare prior to last week's A.M. visit.)

And barring any unforeseen breakfast menu expansion, this will be the last postable installment of my Live Mas adventure featuring breakfast items.  I am sort of sad that there aren't any more potentially tasty treats for me to try, but I am thankful for the fact that I won't have to go out of my way to wake up early on the weekends just to make a Border run.  Have I mentioned that I'm not really a morning person?

Item #50:  STEAK GRANDE SCRAMBLER BURRITO

And so another Border breakfast trifecta begins:  first up is the somewhat pretentiously named Steak Grande Scrambler Burrito.  Perhaps the pretentious name is fitting, since it happens to be the 50th Taco Bell menu item on my Live Mas adventure.  50!  What a milestone, right?  Eh.  From the Taco Bell website:

"A warm flour tortilla filled with fluffy scrambled eggs, seasoned breakfast potatoes, warm nacho cheese sauce, tender grilled marinated steak, and topped with freshly prepared pico de gallo, cool reduced fat sour cream and real cheddar cheese."

Price:  $3.59

Taste:  7.0 (out of 10)

Value:  6.0 (out of 10)

Overall Score:  6.8 (out of 10)

Now this is a breakfast item with some heft.  Unfortunately far too much of that heft comes from Taco Bell's "breakfast potatoes," which I suspect are actually the same potatoes that are utilized in their non-breakfast menu offerings.  I am beginning to suspect -- based on both this experience and my earlier experience with the Cheesy Fiesta Potato Burrito -- that the combination of potatoes and eggs, confined within an ungrilled burrito, is not a winning one.  Neither component has a strong enough flavor to set it apart from the other.  In the mouthfuls that don't contain steak, you just sort of chew through the blandness.

Additionally, the nacho cheese sauce is not needed here.  It just seems out of place, especially when the clearly superior cheddar cheese is also present and accounted for.  Another complaint -- and I'm not sure whether its presence would have significantly improved the flavor of the "Grande" -- is that the pico de gallo was virtually undetectable.  Look at the cross-section photo above.  See any pico?  Didn't think so.  And finally, not to continue beating this drum, but grill the fucking burrito.  Please, Taco Bell.

Having said all of that, you will not be hungry if you can manage to finish the Steak Grande Scrambler Burrito.  (Which would normally be a good thing, but I still had two more breakfast items to consume.)

Item #51:  BACON GRILLED BREAKFAST BURRITO

Let's get right to it.  The official Taco Bell website description:

"Fluffy scrambled eggs with flavorful bacon, freshly prepared pico de gallo, topped with warm nacho cheese sauce, all wrapped in a tortilla and grilled to seal in the flavors."

Price:  $1.59

Taste:  8.0 (out of 10)

Value:  7.0 (out of 10)

Overall Score:  7.8 (out of 10)

This breakfast burrito is much more manageable from a size perspective.  And much tastier, as it turns out.  But it could be so much more.

The problem:  Does Taco Bell ever actually possess bacon that hasn't been fragmented into tiny, tiny baconlets?  Or do they merely purchase the bacon scraps that are left over after a restaurant chain that uses whole strips of bacon -- let's use Waffle House as an example -- has had their order filled?  It's maddening.  Every single Taco Bell menu item that claims to incorporate bacon possesses it only in this "Bacon Bits" form.  It still tastes like bacon, but you definitely lose the textural component entirely.

I can't even imagine how awesome this particular grilled breakfast burrito would taste if there were perhaps just 2 whole strips of bacon running the length of its interior.  Just 2.  Not asking for the fucking moon and stars here.  Mmmm...that unmistakable chewy crunch.  But I guess we'll never know.  Also, the pico de gallo was once again undetectable here, but I honestly think the Bacon Grilled Breakfast Burrito works better without it.

Sometimes -- probably most times -- simpler is better.  Bacon, eggs, nacho cheese, and a grilled burrito. That's all you need.

Item #52:  HASH BROWN

Your eyes do not deceive you, dear reader.  I ordered a fucking hash brown from Taco Bell.  The official website description:

"A golden crispy potato hash brown."

Price:  $1.00

Taste:  6.0 (out of 10)

Value:  3.0 (out of 10)

Overall Score:  5.3 (out of 10)

Back in my school days I remember how excited everyone was on hash brown day.  (That tells you just about everything that you need to know about the tastiness of the rest of the stuff getting served to students back in the day.)  Hash brown day was the one day every week or two when we received a hash brown as one of the lunch side dishes as part of our school lunch.  The hash brown was usually presented in the context of a breakfast-for-lunch sort of format, often served alongside French toast.

The poor score above is more about a complete lack of effort and inspiration on the part of Taco Bell than anything specific about the Hash Brown itself.  As part of a school lunch, a lack of effort and inspiration can be forgiven.  Even its inclusion in Taco Bell's A.M. Crunchwrap can be justified.  But for it to be unconscionably offered as an stand-alone breakfast menu item?  Shame on you, Taco Bell.

Its quality is virtually indistinguishable from the type of hash brown you would find in a frozen 10-pack at the supermarket.  It probably cost Taco Bell 12 cents (if that) and they are charging me $1.00.  Thaw it and sell it.  It's just lazy, and it rubs me the wrong way.

Add to that the fact that it is one of only a very few Taco Bell menu offerings that does not even attempt to exude a quasi-TexMex character -- Brownie Sandwich, anyone? -- and its shame is insurmountable.

This morning's receipt:

And that's a wrap on the Border's breakfast menu, dear reader.